Sins of the past and Redemptions of Tomorrow

I know some of you guys are pestering my to continue writing about the paranormal story I've been working out. But lately I really couldn't knock myself out of this transitional state.

A simple question for any of you guys that even have the time to bother about coming here. . .
Ever notice the little voice in your mind and the whispers of your heart?
The ones that tell you your very feelings mixed in with logic? Sometimes your feelings might be attuned to that of your logic but sometimes they are hellbent on contradicting each other. Ever get that?

Most people call it your conscience, your will. A voice which manifests from two main components of your ever functioning body, the heart, and the mind. The mind being responsible for everything logical and illogical. And the heart telling you things that are more attuned to your everyday wants and comfort.

The mind plays a part in telling us what we really need while the heart plays its part in telling us what we desire and what we long for. Needless to say, these two don't always see eye to eye.
And now.. Mine doesn't.

Conscience as it may be, I think it is just a pain in the ass. A gift and a curse from God the moment He allowed Adam and Eve to consume that bloody forbidden fruit. The gift of knowing whats right and wrong. . thats what the Great One calls it. I call it a gift of leading us all astray.

To give you guys a simple picture on how this simple tool of survival play it's destructive and mean part in our everyday lives, look into our lives yourself. We all know that there is a small good in us somewhere, and that we would try to do good and make good out of everything. But what happens when good does not earn you a single penny? Would you still do it? If you see an opportunity to succeed in life and all it takes is for you to just tell a nasty lie to someone close to you, let's say you are telling them that you do not have time to go out with them because you have an important issue in your family or whatever, would you do it? Knowing full well that they would be darn hurt in the end? Your mind now tells you that you need to do this to ensure a successful and comfortable life and even if that closed one is hurt, they will one day learn that it is a necessary sacrifice and you can even make it up to them one day. Your heart however, knows that though you can make it up to them, you can never erase the fact that you have once betrayed them, the scar would always remain. How are you to act then?


I know now I must move on, my mind tells me the sincere and irreversible logic that it is indeed pointless to hang on to something that is already gone. My friends even cemented that belief. But my heart, knowing all too well that there is still a glimpse of hope somewhere in this shattered bond, begs to not give up. Begs me to still be the so called "good" person I've become. But what if someones destiny does not lie in the good no matter how hard he tries? What good could come of it?


No one needs to read this, it's just the blabber of a confused person. But if anyone does, then thank you for wasting your time on me. And thanks for caring, for I seriously am starting to not. How can I keep my hands up high when everything around me is bearing their weight down on me? I guess time will tell.

Angels Fall Without You Near

Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned overAnd angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on to bring you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me

Memoirs of a Life

When an old man lays by the corner of the street with nothing but empty glances coming out from him, one would easily assume that the particular old man must've not succeeded or done enough to succeed in his life to be at where he is right now. And one would always conclude to try their hardest not to ever fall into that very same position which the poor old man possesses. Yet everyday, everyone everywhere try everything only to find out that it leads to nothing but failure.

Not everyone in this life are pure failures in their own respective life. How could we so easily sum up that the reason why the old man sits at the side of the streets has anything to do with what he has done at all? It could've always been many other possibilities that may have caused his current deprived state. Instead of blaming him so blindly, why not blame the people that used to be around him?

Everyday in our lives we meet more and more new people, at the same time greeting and dealing with old friends that you've already met years or a few days before this. Some of these people may very well end up becoming an influential part of your life, a part which you think would last, a part that is meant to be. These people, as influential as they are, may never be as helpful, useful and good to yourself at all.

So come to think about it again, are we at all to blame for the downfalls of our lives? What if you have already tried your best and have worked out a great plan with the people, your loved ones or any influential person at all but in the end it all just crumbles down to a pile of dust? Are we the sole ones to blame? Knowing that we have never committed anything wrong or made a single mistake in providing a proper understanding and future for ourselves and for the people around us?

I gave my all into my future, blindly I plowed my way through slavering and taxing days. I even gave my best to the ones I love making sure every single detail is perfect and nothing is left out of the equation. I made sure that the one I love slept well every night and had a great time with me, I made sure that every time I am needed I was there, and I made sure that the special someone would never walk in the wrong path at no matter the cost.

Yet. . . Sadly . . Unfortunately I guess is a way that I should put it. My planned future, my foreseeable bright daylight of a future came crashing down on me with a swift hammer bearing a reality of pain and disappointment. With it goes any flicker of hope and happiness. Destroying any confidence and ego. Destroying everything that I've ever made, planned or cared to think about.

But am I to blame? That is the question that has been bothering and that I'm sure bothers many other people too at one point in their lives. Are you or me or anyone else to be blamed for trying your best yet it is someone your trust, that you've planned with that has walked out on you? Is it because we are too blind to see that what we're doing is wrong? Is it wrong? To give your utmost best and everything you have into a relationship with anyone and also your future?

I've tried my best again and again, I never lost hope on you. Even now a foolish side of me which ignores the advice of every single friend that I've ever knew, every single painful lesson I've ever learned and every conscience I have in me, just to have hope in you. Even when I am stacked upon by the mountain of evidence that you've really become someone else that I've came to love and cherish, I still am not giving up on you. I asked myself why at times, is it because I am that much in love? Or is it because I am foolish? My friends would conclude that foolishness is now playing it's part. But what about you my beloved? What would you think for me still believing in you after you've walked out on me?

I never gave up hope, I guess a small part that lives in me right now of you still will never give up hope. So prove to me that this part of me is right, or are you to shatter that small part I have left of you too with your acts?

Is anyone to be blamed if they've given their all only to have their other half walk out? Maybe. . . . If it is then I guess I don't ever want to be a part of something great anymore. . . . Unless that person that has walked out on me proves me wrong.........

Call me an idiot. Call me dumb. Call me foolish and have no foresight into the future. But I'm just human. And with this my heart shall go into a deep slumber where only a great spark could awake it once more.


YOU know that spark. YOU have that spark. So why walk out? I never did.