Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Memoirs of a Life


When an old man lays by the corner of the street with nothing but empty glances coming out from him, one would easily assume that the particular old man must've not succeeded or done enough to succeed in his life to be at where he is right now. And one would always conclude to try their hardest not to ever fall into that very same position which the poor old man possesses. Yet everyday, everyone everywhere try everything only to find out that it leads to nothing but failure.

Not everyone in this life are pure failures in their own respective life. How could we so easily sum up that the reason why the old man sits at the side of the streets has anything to do with what he has done at all? It could've always been many other possibilities that may have caused his current deprived state. Instead of blaming him so blindly, why not blame the people that used to be around him?

Everyday in our lives we meet more and more new people, at the same time greeting and dealing with old friends that you've already met years or a few days before this. Some of these people may very well end up becoming an influential part of your life, a part which you think would last, a part that is meant to be. These people, as influential as they are, may never be as helpful, useful and good to yourself at all.

So come to think about it again, are we at all to blame for the downfalls of our lives? What if you have already tried your best and have worked out a great plan with the people, your loved ones or any influential person at all but in the end it all just crumbles down to a pile of dust? Are we the sole ones to blame? Knowing that we have never committed anything wrong or made a single mistake in providing a proper understanding and future for ourselves and for the people around us?

I gave my all into my future, blindly I plowed my way through slavering and taxing days. I even gave my best to the ones I love making sure every single detail is perfect and nothing is left out of the equation. I made sure that the one I love slept well every night and had a great time with me, I made sure that every time I am needed I was there, and I made sure that the special someone would never walk in the wrong path at no matter the cost.

Yet. . . Sadly . . Unfortunately I guess is a way that I should put it. My planned future, my foreseeable bright daylight of a future came crashing down on me with a swift hammer bearing a reality of pain and disappointment. With it goes any flicker of hope and happiness. Destroying any confidence and ego. Destroying everything that I've ever made, planned or cared to think about.

But am I to blame? That is the question that has been bothering and that I'm sure bothers many other people too at one point in their lives. Are you or me or anyone else to be blamed for trying your best yet it is someone your trust, that you've planned with that has walked out on you? Is it because we are too blind to see that what we're doing is wrong? Is it wrong? To give your utmost best and everything you have into a relationship with anyone and also your future?

I've tried my best again and again, I never lost hope on you. Even now a foolish side of me which ignores the advice of every single friend that I've ever knew, every single painful lesson I've ever learned and every conscience I have in me, just to have hope in you. Even when I am stacked upon by the mountain of evidence that you've really become someone else that I've came to love and cherish, I still am not giving up on you. I asked myself why at times, is it because I am that much in love? Or is it because I am foolish? My friends would conclude that foolishness is now playing it's part. But what about you my beloved? What would you think for me still believing in you after you've walked out on me?

I never gave up hope, I guess a small part that lives in me right now of you still will never give up hope. So prove to me that this part of me is right, or are you to shatter that small part I have left of you too with your acts?

Is anyone to be blamed if they've given their all only to have their other half walk out? Maybe. . . . If it is then I guess I don't ever want to be a part of something great anymore. . . . Unless that person that has walked out on me proves me wrong.........

Call me an idiot. Call me dumb. Call me foolish and have no foresight into the future. But I'm just human. And with this my heart shall go into a deep slumber where only a great spark could awake it once more.


YOU know that spark. YOU have that spark. So why walk out? I never did.

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